If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
