my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
