yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
