Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
