Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
