he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
