No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
