yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
