You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
