Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
