I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
