im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
