IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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