he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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