I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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