sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
