She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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