the day after is always just damage control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize