trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
