Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
