I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
