You can't special order awesome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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