didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
