in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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