he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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