I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
