how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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