I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
