Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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