apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
