So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
