Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
