i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
