It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
