Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The adults are the big ones right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
