That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
