living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
