I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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