i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
