You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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