I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
