Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I smell stomach acid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
