Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
