Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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