Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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