On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
