BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
