He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize