is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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