Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
