great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
