I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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