If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to have your abortion
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
