It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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