I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i out mim tonsoeep
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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