Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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