I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
