There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
