she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
