I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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