I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
