i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
