apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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