I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to be your penis for a week.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
