CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
