i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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