somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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