hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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