Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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