I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
